That’s Not My Ann

#ThinkKit day 3:  Deck the LOL’s.  Let’s loosen up: share a side-splitting story from the last year. What made you laugh out loud until tears formed? What made you giggle every time it was referenced? Whether it’s a story, an image, a video – we want to hear about the banana peel on the floor, your best practical joke, or gems from the mind of a three-year-old. Whether it’s sassy, sarcastic, or just plain silly: make us laugh!

Let me start my LOL by stating that I am a 6’ blonde with enormous curly hair. And most importantly, I wear 4-5” heels pretty much all the time.   A very important piece of info to fully appreciate the hilarity of this story.

Background: I am blessed to have a wonderful friendship between a beautiful girlfriend and her husband, my T&V Show which I am merely a co-star. They have been rocks for me since becoming single again and I consider them family…a sister and a brother, both from other mothers.  The husband,  V is about 6’7’ and his lovely wife…much shorter than both of us on a typical Friday night.  We have somewhat of a ritual on the weekends that when my son is with his father, the three of us enjoy dinner and some cocktails together.  Some nights we are joined by other friends, other nights, it’s just the three of us.  We catch up. Share stories of our week and laugh A LOT.

The LOL: Earlier this past Summer, we enjoyed a great dinner with friends and of course, not wanting the evening to end, we went to a local establishment to have a “couple” cocktails.  We all danced, drank and were merry.  During the latter part of the evening, V and I began a very serious and somewhat emotional conversation about my relationship state which is single.  I sat on a stool at the bar and he stood next to me.  Sweetly, he was asking me about how life was treating me. Reassuring me that yes, dating was not easy but when I was ready to let someone in, it would happen.  He touched my heart with his kindness.  We talked and talked.  And he listened.  I began to get a bit teary-eyed.  He was so sweet to care that much.  It truly touched my heart.

Well, we were both well past a “couple” cocktails.  Funny how conversations seem to turn extra serious at the wee hours of the evening.  You know that time…the time when you probably should have said no, but find that you just agreed to a shot of fireball.

As I dried the tear from the corner of my eye, V suddenly  turned to his wife and said “Let’s go”.  He walked over to her and they both began to walk out.  I rose from my barstool and followed.  She was our DD and was my ride home as well.

As we were walking out of the establishment, V turned to his VERY SOBER wife and said, “Hey, who was that b*@^h ?   She’s following us.”

The lovely wife and friend says, “Honey, that is Ann”.

My friend and brother then says “No, I said who was that b*@^h that I was just talking to?”

Again, the lovely wife says, “HONEY, that was ANN!!!!”

“Noooooooo, that is not my Ann!  That b*@^h is short.  MY Ann is tall.  MY ANN is THIS TALL.  (making hand gesture showing my true height with my 5 “ heels on. )

“Honey, honey, listen to me, THAT IS ANN!!!”

My brother from another mother turns to see me following them in the parking lot to the car, a light bulb went on and he says…”HEEEEEEYYYYYYY, giiirrrrlllll…..there’s my girl.  Now this is my Ann.”

Ready for the LOL? Did you catch it?

While we were talking at the bar, I was sitting on a barstool.  Instead of being eye to eye as usual, my head was only chest high.  Thus, at that moment, I truly was not his Ann.  I was a short stranger…a b*@^h telling him all about my life. I was not 6’5” Ann.  I was a drunk, short bitch that he was done with.

I tell you, I cry every time I re-tell this story.  Not sure it truly conveys in words the hilarity of the entire event but as I sit here and write it down…i am snorting with laughter.


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